Contribution
(03/01/2004; 10:42pm) - Sorry, I have no time to call...
i disappear in to the late night, half the time working until 3am,
sometimes drinking myself into my bed, exhausted,
once in a while flirting until we get thrown out of the bar
it's all like dancing.
dancing is the most fun there is in life,
there and then now, and almost invisible in the poor lighting
then there's dawn, and you slide through that door into the real world
my laundry, my bills, my aching head, everything?s still so fuzzy,
but is it my eyes or my brain...
and my feet hurt but you feel soo good because all I did was dance.
it's the early morning, some where in some city
the world you knew so well last night blinks by,
now it only has dog walkers and bums...
and brilliant sunlight reflecting off the glass.
i'm don't know where i'm going this day,
or the next, with my tired feet and enthusiastic spirit.
all i can do is shiver and smile
and wander.
i don't know if I'm going up,
i hope to hell I'm not going down,
and i'm just going to keep trying
to do what I do ever day
that makes me proud of myself,
and makes me happy.
I was asked recently a question about money,
that made me think...
what am i saving for?
am i doing all those stupid things that will make me a great story teller when I'm old?
enjoying things in retrospect is always common,
but i don't want to be thrilled, excited or joyful after the fact.
i live here and i live now
I love me and my smile and the brilliant and beautiful people i talk to everyday.
so i think,
i think thoroughly...
about what i am saving for,
and ask myself about my dancing,
and try to make sure that i pay enough attention
to enjoy disappearing into the night.
(02/10/2004; 12:34pm) - things you notice on a 4 train...
I read all the time here... the hour on the train leaves me little else to do, but i never want to read serious books... i read stupid disgraceful, serial murders, cop mysteries... and wow, i love them. And I kill them so fast. It makes me feel old. Like my grandmother who can't sleep at night... so sits up reading. reading so much that she has read everything that has come out recently... but she's old enough that how "good" it is rarely matters anymore... if she likes it, it's good. if not, it's terrible. end of story. she used to mail them to me, 4 at a time... like i ever had time to read.
it makes me think, about the city... about the fact that it takes 1 hr to go anywhere. one hour alone, by yourself in transit to and from every place that you go to...
what do new yorkers do with themselves? very few actually carry books, and yes many bring a paper, and most carry music... but that is somewhat regardless. what does it do to your life to spend at minimum of one hour each day doing nothing, able to do nothing and simply waiting. how does it provoke you to think? does it give you more time with yourself? or more time to lie to youself? more time to love or hate? it's like moving cattle... or picking beans... you can not do anymore that what you are doing... you have to go step y step, stop by stop. (and no it doesn't happen with out public transportation because driving takes up to much of your mind.) it's kind of a brilliant idea... maybe thats really why NY'ers are so much "more" creative... intense... unusual... maybe they just have to sit with themselves more.
maybe that's why new yorkers are so damn... whatever.
(12/30/2003; 08:40pm) - sometimes the living is so desperatly worthwhile...
I got a letter,
a letter i liked, that made me think.
the words didn't really make me think, more the style...
...more than the style the feel, more than that, the feel it gave me.
it made me think about me,
about how i write,
about who i am.
and so i sat down and wrote back.
which is, the writing is something i haven't been able to do well for so long.
i picked up a pen, and the words made sense,
they were easy to reach for
and the letters flowed together into sentences and lines into something that gave me a feeling.
the feeling i wanted the words to create
and it was the most amazing feeling...
just astounding.
and it made me feel so free and excited
damn, sometimes living is so rewarding.
-m-
(12/15/2003; 11:20am) - somewhere out there....
so I had some time to kill this morning,
that now has all been suddenly torn away...
I was just shipped out to Pheonix for a business meeting,
where my boss gave us 3 days out of the week off.
...are you stupid?
you send a group to bumfuck, pay 80 and change a night for them to sleep there and then give them 3 nights off to explore Pheonix when they are from NYC?
serious reality check.
but actually, it wasn't all that bad.
we went to while life sanctuary and I spent a day petting cayotes and puma and watching mexican wolves...
and then,
when they told me that they were not going to give me New Years off, great guys, thanks!
I decided i should leave AZ and get the hell out...
So i took what i had been planing on spending on New Years, and did it early, and flew to Chicago.
and now, Snash who stole my wallet to force me to have lunch is calling and my plane is comming up fast, so
i've got to go...
but man,
what a week it's been
(11/16/2003; 12:36pm) - pink floyd in brooklyn
some times, no matter how your day goes, you get home and everything seems fucked up.
and things feel funny so i walk the dog.
(I now for the moment have a white pit bull and she's great and now, I can walk almost anywhere and people get out of the way.)
so we walk out of the house, and I feel like i am walking through a pink floyd sound track...
but the weird not relaxing akward kinda pink floyd feel
the buildings look twisted and old,
it's almost like a huge weather change is comming
and Ren and I walk toward the slightly worse neighborhood, less houses, more industry...
we make a loop and on the way back I see this little shepard mix digging through the trash...
and i bend down and whistle at it,
I'm thinking, that was dumb... Ren is a nice but very dominant dog and if that little guy came up with some attitude we're gonna have a problem.
so this little dog is looking at me, just watching, wild dogs exist all over the bouroughs, and they can be a little dangerous
then all of a sudden she takes off, running at us... (what?) and then vears suddenly across the street...towards a very very busy road
at the same time i see another dog running with her and then a big guy in a jump suit running like hell behind the other dog, yelling some blur of a name... in my head i'm like oh crap he's lost his dogs...
the little sheppard is running in terror and darts into the street... right into and under the front tire of a car who's brakes are screeching as the driver tries to slow down... I see her leg and head go right against the tire and I turn away and press my fingers into my eyes. (i have a second dog at home with two broken legs from dog meets car just a month ago) then i turn back around and see the little shepard still running down the road with the other dog right behind and the big dude running and yelling behind him. I suddenly realize (all this has only take half a short block) that the other dog is a BIG low pit and he's going after that other little dog that just got hit by the car.
i'm following down the opposite side of the street and realize I have a dog, who's all freaked too,
and this big pit slows down, turns around and goes running past his owner in the other direction...so now he's running up the other side of the street at me and my little pit. So I put her behind me and stand all big and he just barels on by...
the guy is now walking home and god knows what happened to the other dog...
I yell across the street, "Sir are those both your dogs?"
he says nothing.
"Sir, is that your dog?" he looks at me and keeps walking...
what the fuck?
what the fuck?
so we're now in an even worse place to be and there's a just got hit by a car, fucked up little dog somewhere near by...
so we check the nearest streets... Ren's watching everything that moves and I'm just lookin out for people and little dogs, and I'm wishing I had bought some pepper spray.
finally I give up and Ren DRAGS me all the way home, we run some of it just to help her settle.
We come upstairs inside and she ducks in her kennel.
she's been their ever since...and I can still hear the pink floyd.
where the fuck am i
what the fuck is going on
wow
sometimes... what the hell
(09/29/2003; 02:56pm) - sometimes...
you go back and read what you were thinking...
it's sily to listen to yourself, your voice, bitch or sit in slow contemplation, or worry...
so today the least social of my friends, made the most social of my friends (me) join friendster.
sometimes...(may the world never stop surprising me. -you either wil.)
i'm packing to move to brooklyn, with a kid i sorta know, two kids i don't know and a very small amount of rent.
sounds like a good plan, minus the packing.
(everytime i pack i remember that i have too much shit. but i don't know what to get rid of.)
it makes me feel weighed down.
sometimes... (i dream of owning only what will fit in my car, but i need a car first)
my relationship is lost in somewhere fucking else land.
it's still happy, and caring...
it's just that he's back in the bubble and the voice i hear isn't the gent i like dating.
but when i see him, it all smooths out,
i just have to keep making money...who knew a 90min train ride would start costing 15 bucks each way.
i'm apprehensive, but thus far, it still seems to be definatly worth while.
it's tricky though,
when i'm scared and alone, i make bigger jumps.
heh.
i think i just need a girlfriend, adria, snash, you dumb sexy bitches, move you slow snail asses.
sometimes... (i'm gonna reach out to CA and drag your tan butt back here)
but now, it's peaceful.
i had some great and simple conversations today,
i have a new kitten on my lap,
i'm chucking shit at boxes...
and tonight i get to see some old friends.
(really the day couldn't get much better)
hope you're all well. in your many respective locations.
i hope you enjoy your sometimes.
-m-
(09/25/2003; 10:23pm) - sometimes the day has a way...
So, I love but hate my job.
There's not much use in bitching about it, everyone hates their respective jobs.
There aren't enough Adoption Counselors so by the time we see each adoption client they are damn bitchy and of course we are to blame so they make it really hard to ask tricky questions. (Like do you live in public housing or is anyone in the household producing enough income to support a pet?)
Plus, it's an insane and inane buracracy. So, even if i see a problem I'm not allowed to do anything about it with out finding my manager, who is 24 and wants to be a cop, and asking his permission. GREAT PLAN.
So, lately I've been thinking about doing some other things. Taking more classes, preping for the GRE, applying to grad school. (Basically, I'm a looser and I know I don't like working for other people, especially not for those who are more stupid than I can ever imagine being.)
Today, (why do i start every sentance with So?) I walk in and the head of the shelter whom I like a lot pulls me aside (in front of a bunch of people) and tells me that I have to go it to the administrative center on Tuesday, my day off at 8am for TLC training. -GREAT!- I then let him know that Tuesday is my day off and he says, well, you should really come for this, only a few people in each shelter are being trained, in the Manhattan Shelter it's Cindy (the rescue coodinator who's job I'm applying for), Me (as in Alex the shelter manager) and you (Micaela, the most recently hired member of the staff). i.e. the only people in the shelter they probably think are worth training in customer service and the new way the shelters are supposed to be run. (I'll just pretend and let myself think that's the case.) heh.
i think someone was reading my mind. Or one of the volunteers let the head people know that i wanted to kill everyone and set all the animals free. either way, maybe I might not be so frustrated very soon...
(or maybe i'm just dreaming. in which case who stole my pipe and my opium?)
(09/18/2003; 11:56pm) - not everything in the world is full of hippies.
I guess I've been busy with work, cuz I haven't posted in forever.
So I went to Burningman. AFter much debate about it being to big or too old or too dumb I found some people who were really into it and went every year, and I teamed up with them and went.
The desert is BEAUTIFUL! I love to camp and many of you know and camping on a dry lake bed in the middle of the nevada desert is nearly the best. The art was unusual, even if in someways it was rediculous. The art cars on the other hand were fantastic! (Even though someone did get run over and killed. But hey, they only go 5mph you have to fall right under a really heavy one... I guess sometimes it really is your time.)
There were lots of beautiful lights and naked people and music all roaming around on bikes. And more than anything else, there were everykind of people there you could imagine. Old, young, hippies, yuppies... everyone was having a great time, eating drugs, dancing and trying to keep pissing clear. It really was quite an expirence.
I'll put more creative info about it later, but for now, anyone who's interested should really go look at the burining man web site.
Also, that should explain my Sunset, if andrew ever posts it.
anyway. hope you are all well. much love from me in Chelsea, with only 4 little cat brats (3 black 1 white) who are all now finding a way to sit in my lap. take care, be well and in good health and happy dreams.
-mikey-
ps i had the fortunate opportunity to meet Praveen, oh man, how do you spell it kiddo? Anyway, for those who haven't met him, he's a damn cool kid. Regardless, HI PRAVEEN!
love you all
mike
(07/09/2003; 12:14pm) - best job ever.
i look at animals, sick, well, insane, fighters, scared, nice...
cats, dogs, ferrets, rabbits, ducks...
i find them homes.
the whole place is a mess. the manhattan shelter is known for needing the most work. (as in, lets tear it down and start over) the AC's been broken for 10 days. it's been 90 degrees for what seems like always. they compensate with free coke and water... ice cold too. the guys have water fights. all of them, head sup.'s all the way down to the newest kennel kid. they're all 7 and running around screaming again.
i do grand rounds with a adoptions supervisor, and we find 7 sick dogs in the "healthy" adoptions room. the contagious room's full. he sighs and tells me how he hates this part of his job. he has to make room for the sick ones to get out of the healthy room. 7 animals have to be cleared, either through rescue or euthinasia from the sick ward by the next day. i nod and tell him that i'm so glad that it's his job and not mine.
the healthy and contagious rooms down stairs where things have either just come in or where babies that are too young to come upstairs is over flowing with kittens. that's not all true, we have a few cages left, but everything down there is carring something and you have to get them out as fast as you can, or the whole litter will die.
one mom has two kittens, less than 2 weeks old. eyes still shut, still wiggling furry worms with funny tiny stumps for legs. some lady comes in, she brings 6 kittens (all orange and calico), eyes all shut, all looking like dirty furry worms. we talk about it, and suggest that mom. next time i look in on her she's feeding 8 babies, now, instead of two. that's a LOT for one mom. i have two mom's and 10 cats total in my house and i'm going nuts, and they don't even nurse from me. tomorrow i'll have to see how many made it through the night.
in this situation, every baby, every dog, puppy, we pull out of that shelter is a rescue. through adoption, through foster, through transfer to other rescue facilities. and it's hard to watch the babies, so tiny and stumpy in front of you and know that if they were a little older they might make it on their own. but not now, and since everyone is having babies in the summer, there's no where to send them. Even I have too many in my little place...
it's just amazing.
and all these people, that make these choices, that care about these animals...
smile and have water fights, and remember how to be 7...
wouldn't you think it would make them hard?
how do you stay open and kill?
how do you make big kid desicions and not forget how to be little?
i absolutly love my job.
i love it.
every day i do a good thing.
it's so bad ass, even if my shoes do stink.
(07/06/2003; 10:17pm) - Title Insurance vs. PETS
i rescued 10 cats from the CACC where i volunteer. my boyfriend was really patient until he realized that i paid attention to the cats 4 hrs of the day and spend about 15 minutes with him. then he quite comming home. he's gone for 2 weeks and has requested that all of them find homes before he returns.
I also got offered a job at the CACC for 25% less money then i make at the title insurance bullshit that i work in now. the title insurance similarly offered me a better possition where i would make 25% more than i do now.
the CACC is in spanish harlem, with all sorts of interesting types. Titlevest is on 42nd in the Lincon Building next to Grand Central, and i work with VC and NYC kids.
the cacc has lots of barking dogs and titlevest had a boss that yells a lot.
live rich white girl times in NYC? try real NYC for people who grew up here, and see the best and worst of what they can do...?
yeah, i think i have to take the job at CACC (Center for Animal Care and Control) i guess working at a place like this was always my dream, and it can't get much bigger than manhattan.
what the hell
what am i doing?
and why am i such a nutter?
but hey, what the hell, bless me for it.