Contribution

On an upcoming anniversary,

(05/18/2003; 12:05pm) - On an upcoming anniversary,


On an upcoming anniversary,
On which I?m not really sure what I?ll say.
I expect it with pass quietly with out notice,
just another night,
Black, slipping by?

Will I stop with amazement,
With wonder at what I have been given?
Will there be tears remembering the past,
The year it has taken to reconstruct me.

Will there be the acceptance for the B in genetics and the B- in microbio taken only 6 months later, instead of disappointment?
Will there be relief in the slowness the experience has brought me
Will there be patience, and gracefulness and awe?

I can learn a new lesson everyday,
One we all always talk about, but that I could never truly internalize.
Nothing matters in this world except your satisfaction.
Your contentment with each day.

That empty void which we all struggle to fill,
But the trick is remembering to leave it empty,
So that we appreciate when it?s not, and know what fills it.

Today I am thankful that I have so many people the care about me.
People that one year ago came to my bed side,
Brought me Chinese,
Called me at all hours,
Watched my little brother,
Changed my dressings,
Made me laugh,
Made me feel safe,
Made me feel loved,
And reached out their hands saying,
?please, please stay with us a little longer.?

So I have learned that the empty space is filled with love, but not other people?s love, but my love, for myself and for the world around me.
It is my satisfaction, contentment and love that makes me whole
And reminds me that sooo few things in the world really matter.

And i. after all this, am grateful.

I am grateful to have graduated to have done some more growing,
To have found a voice,
To have learned to give people the middle finger when they deserve it,
To tell people I care,
To tell people that I refuse to butt out of their life when it?s important,
To look awkward less self consciously,
To be a fool.

So yes, being here is beautiful,
And I thank all of you for sharing the experience with me,
And hopefully,
You won?t notice this day much either.
Except maybe, to stop for a moment and be grateful to be, and to be with us.

Bless you to all the people I?m with, even if only in my mind,
I?m sorry to all the people I?ve hurt,
I?ll listen to you, to all the people who need to talk,
I?m here for all the people who ask,
And I love each and everyone of you, just for being.


The anniversary of the day speech left me? May 26, 2002