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(02/22/2003; 11:50pm) - a little bigger view

you have to love the little things you do in your sleep...
like post the thing you already added the day before,
or write poetry that doesn't make sense.
those late night moments where you can't recall what you did, but you know it was something.

i'm always convinced that those are great nights,
until the next day, when you have no idea who's laying in bed next to you.
(either that, or when you wake up and there isn't someone laying next to you where someone should be.
that's really bad too.)

I have to love the fact that i take dare's. It's a piss pour plan, but shit it's entertaining.
I'm tiny.
Anyone out there who doesn't know me, i'm about 5'6' (just under) and i weight about 120lbs.
that = tiny girl
who loves to be silly and drink, and HATES to get sick.
(good news being, i've only been sick once ever, and it did result in me missing my plane flight home from Barcelona, but you can write Adria and ask for that story because thinking about it still makes me ill.)

So, the other night, I'm having dinner with my dad (who i live with right now) and three of our friends (all above 40)
One of them, the youngest, Tom, who has just left a long relationship and is into sleeping with anything that walks, is generally great company. So he and I start arguing about something, and we just keep pouring the wine for each other.
Fact number two: not only am i tiny, but I'm on a medication that makes me get drunk faster than anyone else.

We debate for a while, and then he suggests that he's going to drive home. Now, I obviously being tipsy as shit, know that this isn't a good idea, so i tell him that he really has to stay. And he asks what is he gonna do? And i suggest that he smoke more pot. Yup, I live in Northern California, all the adults smoke pot with the kids. So the adults all take a hit and they tease me because I don't smoke. (It just doesn't really agree with me.)
Then Tom, being a complete punk dares me. He's like come on! It won't hurt you. And me, being drunk, and used to being passed drugs I LIKE when I'm drunk, I'm like what the hell, I don't care as long as you don't kill yourself driving home. I'll smoke pot with you!
So i take one very small hit, and breath it out as fast as i can...
to no availe.
They also grow some increadably strong pot out on this side of the US. One tiny breath and in 15 min I'm stoned and not pleased. I utterly give up. I say good night, and wonder out to my apartment, hoping none of these nice adults that i usually try to be very respectful with have noticed that fact that i'm stumbling. It sucks to be fucked up in front of your folks. (I saw them all the next day, and they didn't seem to notice a thing, so they must have been waisted too.)

So yes, don't offer me drugs when i'm good and wasted, I might not get sick, but i probably won't be plesant.
(and if you realy like me, don't dare me to do anything i would regret, i'm nearly guarenteed to do it.)

ahhh, growing up, doing drugs with your parents, deciding to not do drugs, with or with out your parents...
love always