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Radioshack And My Balls
Unemployment And My Balls

(12/08/2002; 02:52am) - depressing and enlightening

a guy came in, i forget what sort of crappy piece of crap he wanted, but i had to look for it on the computer. while he stood there, waiting for me to do whatever it was that i was doing, he periodically grabbed his back and winced in severe pain. he did it four or five times in the minute i helped him out. now, i'd love to make some sort of profound statement about how it can always be worse, and my lame job isn't so bad compared to living a life of pain. but screw that guy, my job is lame. friday i spent an hour (keep in mind when you work on commission, the time you work doesn't matter, only what you sell) scraping old spilt maple syrup off the top of the microwave in the back with the cap of a snapple bottle. the manager was going to throw the microwave out, on account of syrup (quoting him, "because that's just gross, and i don't like gross stuff") but i protested because i make tea in the microwave on account of my not being able to afford coffee. later that day, 3 minutes after i was scheduled to leave, a woman was interested in buying a calculator. i showed her the display model, but it was broken. now, this was no scientific graphing calculator or anything of the sort, it was a normal fucking add subtract multipy piece of shit little calculator that was on sale for $3.99 but, before she would commit to buying one, she had to see a working one, to "make sure it would do what she wanted it to". i assured her that whatever it was she was expecting this calculator to do, it would probably do it, but she insisted. so i told her we had no more in stock, and i left.
tomorrow (sunday) ((i thought you didn't work weekends?))(((he asked me to work sunday on friday))) i'm giving my two weeks notice.
this past weeks' suck my balls rating:
2 balls, ready and willing to retire
(on a scale of 0 to 2 balls, ready and willing to retire)

(11/29/2002; 09:37pm) - it's possible that i work on mars

now, why would i say that? today, a suspiciously skinned man appeared in my store twice. i've never been one to judge on the color of one's skin, however, i've never "encountered" this color before. this man, who appeared to be about 60 (in earth years) had completely green skin. at first i thought that he was being lit weird, or that my brain was playing tricks on my, but the person standing next to him was a normal human color. as he passed through the store, he retained his sickly hue. now, i would have dismissed this as a disease that i'm not familiar with and gone on with my daily business if he was buying something normal: dvd player, cell phone, batteries. but no, he was buying switches, and transistors, and relays, and diodes....FOR HIS SPACESHIP!!! i was nice to him. i got him everything he needed. i mentioned my address, and passed a hint about how it would be a bad place to start were someone, or some race want to take over the world. (i have to mention that my ability to slide that into casual conversation was somewhat spectacular) alien: "do you have 10 mA fuses that will fit this custom holder" sales representative (tyler): "yes, let me find that for you. maybe it's in the other drawer. i hear humans taste horrible. oh, no, it's back in that first drawer, here you go. i hear jupiter's moons are espeicially vulnerable these days. can i get you anything else?"
don't worry, with my careful monkeywork, i think it's safe to assume that dubya will blow us up far before the martians. if only he would walk into my store, and i could subject him to the fruits of my corporate mind control training.
i think that's the most political i've ever waxed in public print. maybe i'm turning a new leaf, or just really bored. i have to mention that i'm writing this post from within the walls of the radio shack fortress. it's naughty, but exciting, like jerking off with the door open when you're only mostly sure that no one else is home.
i'm wrapping up a 14 hour shift which, on principle alone jacks the suck my balls rating to a hairy:
2 tired balls
(on a scale of 0 to 2 tired balls)

(11/26/2002; 02:37am) - i wish i had something more interesting to say about work

(11/21/2002; 12:25pm) - is your job good?

only two types of people go to radio shack. people that don't speak english, and really old men. i only speak english, and luckily, most of the old men do to. it's funny because old men don't want to buy cell phones, in fact most of them are scared of them, and with good reason, cell phones are just scary, i mean. where's the wire? if i can't see it, i'll probably trip on it. and i can't afford to trip again, i just got over my last broken hip. if i break the other hip, my body will be composed of %16 percent metal. what if the cell phone interferes with my pacemaker. what if my pacemaker blocks my cell phone's reception. where does the wire go, again? my kids want me to get one so that they can call me, but i never leave my house anyways, so i say, "call me at home" only other place i go is here, to get more batteries for my shortwave radio. what's the difference between those two walkie talkies, no, the ones below those? can i buy one at a time? do you need another one before it'll work? nevermind, i'll just look around? why did they have to change vcrs back to silver. just when i got used to black, now everything's silver again, black was nice, but i guess nothing ever stays nice for too long does it? i don't understand anything about computers.
today's suck my balls rating:
2 old balls
(on a scale of 0 to 2 old balls)

(11/16/2002; 01:08am) - why aren't i rich yet

so, today was the first day in the new store, which isn't as crazy stupid as the last store. the new manager cares about less stuff, and the new employees aren't super-annoying-lame-stupid.
a kid came in who was like 12, and started begging everyone in the store, including the customers to buy some candy from him so that he could win some contest. and he was whining when people said no, and being all "please" how about just 2!
and i remember thinking "that is so unprofessional"
today was payday, but i haven't seen my check yet because it's still at the other store that i got transferred out of, but i'll pick it up on my way home from my saturday morning meeting. tonight while i was waiting for my ramed water to boil, i wrapped a pickle in 2 pieces of individually wrapped slices of store brand american cheese and put it in the microwave. i ate it with a knife and fork.
todays suck my balls rating:
(on a scale of 0 to 2 balls)

(11/14/2002; 12:37am) - too big for the corporate mold

i'm sitting here at home waiting for a phone call which will tell me if i still have a job or not. last night i was informed of a manditory meeting this saturday at 9 for new employees. i had no idea that 9 o'clock meetings were a part of my already crappy job, and i somewhat flipped out. i also found out that essestially, we aren't paid for these meetings, as we work on commision and aren't selling anything whilst in meetings. however, they still tried to tell me that i was being paid, but only if i didn't make more commision than minimum wage would pay me. i said this was "bullshit" and that saturday morning meetings are fucking stupid. and that i didn't want to travel for 2 hours at 7 on a saturday morning to go all the way to buttass forest hills queens on two trains and bus each way for a 3 hour bullshit meeting, and i guess this was some sort of problem for them. my manager sent me home early and told me to call the district manager in the morning. i did so, and i am awaiting a call back from him.
i think what sucks the most is that i actually want to keep this job. it's only slightly better than not having a job and having no money. i hate being a little corporate whore, and i know that to keep this job i have to go that fucking meeting, and at least 10 more like it, and pretend that it's fucking awesome. or maybe i'll just get fired.
please send all job offers to, where they will be promply accepted regardless of how crappy they are.
todays suck my balls rating:
7 balls
(on a scale of 0 to 2 balls)

(11/14/2002; 03:42pm) - from box to speaker

i got transferred today to the radioshack basically down the block from the one i'm at now. the new manager seems nice, but, then again, the last dude seemed nice, and he turned out to a be twisted weirdo. so, again, there's only one chair in the whole fucking store, and it's at the desk in the stock room. so, tomorrow, i get to rewatch the training video that i had to watch at the last store because i only got through 2 or the 4 hours of it. the new manager said that i better watch the whole thing because "it can't hurt to review" and, after i get the corporate labotomy, i'll probably agree with him. so tomorrow, it's four hours, on a speaker, because they don't have boxes as sturdy as the last store did.

wish me luck (or send me a folding chair)

(11/06/2002; 01:58am) - i still miss my box

now i'm on the floor all day hucking cell phones at battery buyers. i've taken to laughing after saying, "can i get you a new cell phone to go with that battery?" if don't say it i can get fired, but if i say it and laugh then...alright, well i don't really have a point, but i do like laughing.
so hammy walked by the store three times today, but he didn't come in. i was wondering why the heck not, because he loves the crap out of radio shack. then later i was eating dinner at pizza palace, and he came in. we exchanged pleasantries, and that was that. he was eating a couple slices of pizza, and some soda. that's a fine meal for a 13 year old kid, even if he is a little on the waddy side. however, he had with him a burger king bag. this bag was not the little here's your hamburger and fries bag, it was the big motha-i'm getting lunch for the whole offfice-kinda bag. so of course he couldn't stumble into the shack, he was too busy shoving grease into his face. i remember when i was 13 and thought that eating was an acceptable answer to "what did you do today?" so my heart goes out to the little lump, really.

at the end of the day, i remembered that we had remote controls for the RC cars. the boss was gone, so i fired one up, and wrecked the hell out of the store. man those things are cool (stop by, they're only $99.99 *batteries not included* ) i set up a stack of barbie kareoke machines ($59.99 *batteries not included*) and then wrecked them down. it was sweet, i totally split a box in half, and then threw it in a pile in the basement where it would look like it fell of a truck or something. the only downer was that it was hard to control, and i wicked smacked it into my shin one time. that litter fucker's got some torque!

so, shin injury included, todays suck my balls rating:
(on a scale of 0 to 2 balls)

(11/05/2002; 01:52am) - my feet hurt

so there's this kid, i won't tell you his real name because if he reads this he'll cry, but i'll let you know that it's close to hammy, and if you hear him say it through his little fat face, you'll probably think he said hammy too. so this hammy is 13, but he knows more about radio shack than most of the people working there. i'll paint the picture. he's always wearing a black gortex jacket that would make a skinny chick look like a marshmallow, but when you plop his litlle lump of a head on top of it, he more closely resembles oatmeal. he hangs out every day, and both of his parents are doctors so he always buys stuff. i've sold him 3 laser pointers in 2 days. he laughs at everything (especially if you poke him, heehee) and i'm sure that if he had three larger holes he would make a satisfactory bowling ball.
now, i don't want to say that i don't like hammy, in fact, he's kind of a nice little dude. but, the fact of the matter is he's a husky rich kid, and my feet hurt, so he gets the hammer.

oh, but you want to know more about me? today i sat on the box again (actually a different box. my first box is now on display with it's big ass arch making it's crescent debut at the front of the store) and i watched corporate training videos for like an hour. then my boss (we'll call him se?or) gave me a little talk about "integrity" and how they had to fire a whole store worth of people because their inventory didn't match up over the weekend. during this speech i have the 4 stolen radio shack batteries that i need for my toilet gameboy sitting in my pocket. man, i'm badass. then i sold some crap. i can't understand greek people at all, but they do have mustaches. that almost makes it okay that they smell so weird.

today's suck my balls rating: 1/2
(on a scale of 0 to 2 balls)

(10/31/2002; 02:49am) - can i show you how to save money on your monthly bill?

tomorrow i actually get to sell things. i haven't yet completed my FasTrak to the sales floor training, and they won't teach me how to use the lame cash register thingy until i do. i really want to peddle crap to suckers, why won't they just let me do it? i sat on the box for 4 hours today. that is a dented motherfucking box, i'll tell you one thing. at least i don't shovel poop all day.

todays suck my balls rating: 1
(on a scale of 0 to 2 balls)