Unemployment And My Balls
(10/29/2002; 08:42pm) - we welcome a new shimmering knight into the vast corporate army
First Day, New Job. earlier this week i lopped my flowing curly locks in favor of a neopompadore. i can't decide if i look super stupid or extra super really cool. i'll favor the latter. this morning i combined my new haircut with a snappy gray oxford shirt, new shiny black leather shoes, and unmatched dress socks to proudly march through the front doors of my new hate distillery. i looked like a nervous 15 year old loser going on his first date with the class ugly girl, only i didn't have flowers. i went straight to the back of the store, me my new manager and was introduced to another guy called (for the sake of anonymity, we'll call him quazar) quazar. quazar is a new employee also, but he's in the manager in training program. (he's already been a manager at circuit city, blockbuster, and the wiz) but he has to start at the bottom with me. in the back of the store, there is only 1 chair, and only 1 desk. new sales people have to complete three preliminary training tests before being let loose on the floor. these tests have to be taken on the 1 computer on the 1 desk with the 1 chair in the room in the back of the store. today i worked for 7 and a half hours. i've passed two of them. quazar passed 1. we took turns, first i sat on a box containing some sort of over priced stereo components while quazar did the tests, then we traded. alright, i lied, once i got the chair, i didn't give it back. screw circuit city boy, sitting on boxes is lame. it took over 5 hours to beat the first test because the computer was balls slow, and the training books that the tests are based on are way out dated, and have nothing to do with what is actually on the stupid test. to top it off, you can only get 5 out of 50 questions wrong. i got 6 wrong.....9 times in a row. do you know what can't be processed with FastCheckout when the customer is using a RadioShack advantage plus card? neither the fuck do i. tomorrow i'm going in early and stapling my ass to the one chair until i pass the crap out of that other test, then, i'm going to sell copious amounts of gold plated cables to jewish women who don't need them. because i....am that guy now, and you can all kiss my ass.