A Dizzy In The Lizzy
(06/01/2003; 09:42pm) - It's such a perfect day...
...I'm glad that I spent it with you.
(05/19/2003; 05:17pm) - Are you okay?
Yes. Yes, I'm okay, I can say that with authority.
In fact, I'm great.
I'm ecstatically happy and so deeply in love... and that's where the wall goes up. None of you are allowed to peek in anymore. Things have changed on the inside, in here. And it's not for public consumption anymore.
No sweat off my back.
Sorry if any of you feel left out, but I've found that most people can't relate anyway.
Kaiser Soze
(05/17/2003; 10:57pm) - Oh, it is ON tonight!
Time to FRIKKIN PARTY Mr Bigglesworth!!!! Mwahahahaaa!!!
This may be more fun than summers in Rangoon, luge lessons, meat helmets... Nice.
Perfect day, woke up at noon, played frisbee in the park with some friends, ate at my new favorite diner, phoned a friend, saw my girl, going to the club. Awesome. I'm still pretty much broke, but who the fu@k cares? There are more paychecks on the way, and until then I will be eating 3 or 4 eggs every day for brekkie, and PB&J for lunch. And a healthy dinner! Oh well. I'm 24, this is how it's supposed to be, I guess.
Later kiddies
B
(05/06/2003; 10:35am) - HEY! DON'T BE BROKEN!
NO NONONOONNONONONONOOOOOOO!!!!!
Ack. We'll call that Black Monday. And we'll forget about it. Delete file.
Ctl-Alt-Del
C:/Would you like to Uninstall? Y/N
C:/Y
C:/Restart
C:/Are you sure you want to restart your computer?
C:/Y
|
(05/06/2003; 06:05pm) - ...and now for something completely different:
Tommy: "Layin the d!ck down all over Hartford and Mass..."
The past few posts here have been pretty heavy.
Today I got a phone call that lightened things up:
My boy Tommy from home just called to tell me that he was doing his rain dance. When it rains it pours, as we all know, and he just "got off one girl" and he's going to see the next. I guess he's
screwing 3 different girls right now, a black chick, a Puetro Rican chick and a white chick. I think two of the three of them are massage therapists and to say that he's getting Happy Endings is an
understatement. He's been in a rut as of late and this is just the sort of thing he needs to break out of it.
He and I used to be the fucking dudes, those guys that made the party happen. We were the hubs of the party wheel, everything rotated around us. And that's the way it should be. We both went through
some really fucking lame shit in the past few years and we lost our party spirit. With the help of my lovely lady I've found mine again, and now so has Tommy.
So do your rain dance, kid. Lay your pipe, stink like pussy, give off your pheromones.
You're my hero.
Be safe and be naughty. Fuck all night, sleep all day. This is your life, live it up. I know I am.
Fuck YEAH!!!!!!!
Still shakin my head in awe and disbelief.
Tommy's back in action, look out!
(05/05/2003; 02:02pm) - And so it goes, and so it goes....
They say the brightest fires burn shortest. Or maybe it's "The hottest fires burn fastest." Or whatever the saying is, they're right.
Cash out while you're ahead.
.
.
.
...or maybe not.
It's not time yet.
This is not the end, not by a long shot.
No way.
Frik & Frak.
Let's go, the world beckons.
It feels nice to smile again, no matter how tenative.
(05/01/2003; 12:34am) - I am doing the wolf-spider dance, can you see it?
Today is a dark day. Staying home from work b/c I cannot deal with the world. GF has run away from the city and me, I suppose temporarily. My head is spinning. Trying to figure out why this is happening, why what I once thought was rock-solid now seems to be as ethereal as a fog...
I have always tried to be the most loving, thoughtful, caring boyfriend and attentive lover as I could. I have failed on all accounts. The past week has alternated hours of decadent ecstacy with days of mental anguish. I do not know the direction that this is going in. Ideally I would like to live out the rest of my years with this woman by my side. But I cannot go on living like this, I cannot adjust this quickly to these radical emotional changes.
This will kill me. It has to stop.
In the past month I have changed from a fit, happy, confident guy with a good job into a lazy, angry asshole who rarely goes to work and never goes to the gym. I have no more money. I have alienated my friends and forgotten about my family. I am a bad person and I hate it. My old friends from home rarely call, my current friends are baffled, my family seems worried, my girlfriend tells me I suck. I know I am fucking up.
This is a dark day.
(04/27/2003; 12:39pm) - Happy 24th Birthday Stephanie!!!
You are the most amazing and wonderful woman, and I love you so much it's really insane.
Your electricity, your drive and determination, your unshakable and unwaivering sense of
self are all to be admired. You stop traffic, you send men into lusting rages and women into
fits of jealousy. You don't take any shit from anyone.
Loving you is the both the easiest and most challenging thing I have ever done. Falling in love with
you happened so fast that I never noticed it until I was in past the point of no return. I regret
nothing I have ever done with you.
You have taught me so much about myself, what I need in my life and what I don't. You taught
me what it means to really trust someone, to truly love someone with no hang-ups or boundaries.
You taught me that unleashing my anger, voicing my frustrations and speaking my mind, no
matter how insane my thoughts are, are all OK.
"Together we are stronger than we are alone," you said. You are completely right, baby.
With you by my side, as my partner in life, I am a stronger man than I would be alone.
And so I love you, I love you, I love you.
Happy 24th Birthday, my Diva.
your Benny
(04/24/2003; 05:26pm) - - = FOR FUTURE REFERENCE = -
You learn new things every day. Or, you do if you keep your eyes open.
This is what I have learned lately (writing these thoughts down are is much for my benefit as it is for your entertainment):
1) Love has ups and downs like any other endeavor. The key is to savor and remember the ups, and minimize the emotional impact of the downs. Try to learn from the down times but also try to forget them; they are not the important parts.
The down points serve to give you frame of reference by which you may appreciate the up times.
2) It's never as bad as you think it is in the moment. Avoid tunnel vision; the big picture is usually better than you think.
3) Life is tumultous. Some people thrive on chaos. Some thrive on stability. Figure out which one centers you and gravitate towards that. For me, emotional stability is very important. A graph of my emotions will ideally have a low altitude and a low frequency. It is important to understand that everyone's emotional cycle is different. The next time chaos and emotional turmoil is thrown into my face I am going to attempt to confront with it a zen-like attitude.
A friend recently told me that I am a rock in the midst of a roaring river, or something along those lines (thanks dude). I sorta like that idea; that image will hopefully guide me and help me through the next hullabaloo.
4) If you don't like something, change it. Tired of your scene? Find a new one. Tired of your company? Go somewhere else. Getting caught up in life's hecticness? Go for a walk, away from the frenzy. Go find a nice place where you can collect yourself.
This all sounds very lovey-dovey, let's-watch-Bob-Ross-paint-then-go-hug-trees.... So be it.
I guess I am multifaceted and this is one of my facets.
This may be the most personally useful blog entry I've ever written.
Here's to more of the same.
I think I'll leave the office now.
B
(04/22/2003; 11:20am) - At ease, soldier.
Just as quickly as it developed, the whirlwind was over.
There was no permanant damage to the town; the twister ripped through a cornfield and terrified the residents of the peaceful town, but when it died out everybody was safe and sound. Old Man McDermott's tractor was found on its side. Helen Tempey's henhouse was more or less dismantled, blown away into the wind, but her hens were found together, clustered near her grain silo. And the Lansbury family farm lost power for a couple of days. But that was the extent of the physical damage: hardly anything worth noting. The community as a whole is a little more wary, a little more attuned to the changing winds, but safe. And that's the important part.
Life in the sleepy town will go on as it did before, everyone will go about their daily business and try recover from the terror they experienced. Needless to say, there's no way to forget about the blackness of the storm; to do so would be foolhardy. It's simply a matter of watching the skies carefully and being able to predict when something like this will happen again so that it may be avoided. Anyone caught in a storm like that has only himself to blame.
"Once bitten, twice shy." I stopped a farmer as he passed through town to get his take on the storm. "We got lucky this time."
He hunched over the steering wheel of his old truck and looked off towards the horizon, towards the gathering clouds.
"We got lucky."