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A Dizzy In The Lizzy

(08/14/2002; 3:23pm) - Should you tell her or should I? A One-Act to brighten your day!

Scene: My cubicle

A 6-year-old little black girl wanders in. She's been hanging around the office for the past week. She's the daughter of a woman who works here.

LITTLE GIRL: (Touches my hair) My cousin has hair like yours and she put gel in it and it all fell out.

ME: Your cousin has hair like mine?

LITTLE GIRL: Yeah, she put gel in her hair and it all fell out and she went to school and all the boys laughed at her.

ME: I bet your cousin's hair isn't just like mine...

LITTLE GIRL: It's just like yours and it all fell out and now she's bald.

ME: Maybe she got it relaxed or dyed or the salon did something to it that made it fall out, but I bet she doesn't put gel in it because black people don't put gel in their hair usually...

LITTLE GIRL: Yes they do! You have gel in your hair and it's all going to fall out.

ME: No, my Dad's 65 and he still has all his hair so I think I'm okay. Wait, so I'm black?!

LITTLE GIRL: Yeah, I'm from New York and you're from New York and everybody from New York is a black African-American.

ME: (Fits of laughter) So I'm black because I'm from New York? That makes me black. (laughter)

LITTLE GIRL: Yeah, my mommy's from New York and she's a black African-American. And I'm from New York and I'm a black African-American.

ME: So I'm black too?

LITTLE GIRL: Yeah, everybody from New York is a black African-American.

ME: I live in New York but I was born in Connecticut.

LITTLE GIRL: (pauses) Then you're white.

(08/12/2002; 10:10a) - Paranoid like Ozzy

Genxscope (by
"Feel like you forgot something? You may have indeed ... or on the other hand, it might be complete paranoia. Don't tie your brain in knots trying to figure it out."

Thanks, you STUPID ASSHOLE HOROSCOPE WRITER!!! What the fuck!?

(08/06/2002; 12:10p) - Sometimes I just can't believe how much things have changed.

Looking around (figuratively) and taking stock of my life, nothing is as I remember it.

There are paints and canvasses in my dad's house in CT now but they don't belong to me. There's a second car in the garage, a gold Camry. And a woman, a very nice, pretty woman, sleeping in my dad's bed. She's not my mom.

There are girls around here, I keep meeting them. They do this and that, they're into me or they're not, some I like more than others, some are beautiful, some I simply pass on the street...
A year ago at this time I would come home from work to a beautiful redhead, cook dinner with her, make love. It was heaven. But that's not my reality now.

So much changes so so fast. Life is fluid, everything changes, little by little, under your nose, so that on a day like today you realize that everything's pretty different than you thought it was. If many little things make up your reality, and all those little things are changing constantly, then the magnitude of change in your life is staggering. It's hard to grasp how much everything changes from year to year.

Two years ago I had no idea where I was going to go. Australia was fun and I wanted to go back, but I also had friends in Boston and Hartford. Then there was the group of friends in New York. So I ended up here. And now I work in real estate. And I play Ultimate twice a week. And I borrow my brother's car. And I spend too much money. And I live on the Upper East Side.

Tomorrow, who knows? Will I live in the Village, or the Lower East Side, or Battery Park City? New York at all? Will I lease a New Mini, orange with a white top and white hood stripes? Will I buy a motorcycle, a used Honda? Will I be be dating this girl? Another girl? Will I get a raise? Will my vacations start to include LA, the home of my dad's woman?
Will I quit all of this shit and move west with Nate, teach snowboarding in the winters and guide rafting trips in the summer?

Or will I still be plunked down here in front of this same computer in midtown a year, 5 years, ten years in the future?

Do I even have to think this hard about what's to come?

One of my coworkers Andrea just asked another coworker, Jorge, how he was doing today.

His answer?

"I'm alive, so I'm doing fine."



(08/02/2002; 2:16pm) - Instant Gratification/Pontification/Elaboration/Masturbation

Here I go with the stupid horoscopes again:
Today's read "Sometimes, breaking up is the best thing you could ever do. Mr. or Ms. Right is waiting to catch you before you hit the ground. Maybe you could make other changes, too, like who fixes your car or who does your hair. There's nothing like starting over."

Well, I can't wait to meet Ms. Right because she's gonna be one hell of a woman. My ex and I had our share of problems towards the end of our relationship but I still maintain that she is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met.
So if Ms. Right is better than that, I'm excited to meet her.

I'll agree that sometimes when you look at a miserable coupling of two great people, you usually thing "Breaking up is the best thing for both of them." But breaking up ain't so hot when you love someone and they dump you...

Then again, who can really listen to a stupid horoscope anyway? What a bunch of crap. "There's nothing like starting over."
What does that mean? Nothing.
"There's nothing like key lime pie."
That's right, there isn't. But there are things A LOT LIKE key lime pie; lemon meringue pie, for example.

Why am I ranting?

No, really....?!

Well, anyway, I'm definitely starting over now. In the process, as we speak...
Where is life taking me? Ten thousand roads open before me. Which one do I take? Who do I go out with? What do I do at night? On the weekends? How do I spend my money, time, emotional energy?

What is the point of all this anyway? I've always thought that the whole point was to make yourself happy for as much of your life as possible. Does that mean always obtaining instant gratification, or should I dely my gratification in the hopes that I will be happier and more appreciative when my time comes?

All I know is that I just got a call from a coworker who says there's free pizza upstairs.
Instant gratification.
I think for the time being, that's what I want.


(08/01/2002; 3:35pm) - For lack of anything else to say today:

Don?t damn me when I speak a piece of my mind
?Cause silence isn?t golden when I?m holding it inside
?Cause I?ve been where I have been, an I?ve seen what I have seen
I put the pen to the paper ?cause it?s all a part of me

Be it a song or a casual conversation
To hold my tongue speaks of quiet reservations
Your words once heard, they can place you in a faction
My words may disturb but at least there?s a reaction

Sometimes I wanna kill, sometimes I wanna die
Sometimes I wanna destroy, sometimes I wanna cry
Sometimes I could get even, sometimes I could give up
Sometimes I could give, sometimes I never give a fuck
But look at what we?ve done to the innocent and young
Whoa listen to who?s talking 'cause we?re not the only ones
The trash collected by the eyes and dumped into the brain
Said it tears into our conscious thoughts, you tell me who?s to blame
Don?t hail me an don?t idolize the ink
Or I?ve failed in my attentions
Can you find the missing link?
Your only validation lies in living your own life
Vicarious existance is a fuckin waste of time
So I send this song to the offended
I said what I meant and I?ve never pretended
as so many others do
Intending just to please
If I damned your point of view, could you turn the other cheek?

*Don't Damn Me* by G'N'R

One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands.