Not of your design
i don't think like you
so why should i write like you
my thoughts
my world
so why should i write like you
my thoughts
my world
(07/27/2003; 03:42am) - it's ok
she didn't appear
despite emerging more real in the process.
distracted by the responsibilities of famial obligations her vaporous form coalesced into something more solid
though unknown nonetheless
but with a night ending
like a night like tonight
i think we are all better off with a bit of heavy gas
(07/27/2003; 03:34am) - why i left (/|\)
i left not out of cowardice
but because i was drunk.
stumpling. amongst a group whose synapses were firing much quicker than my own.
but
before the exit appeared
i spoke with the only person i really saw::and vice versa::
and she said to go home
for "there would be no more action tonight"
and i took her at her word
and ignored my own
with a battle only i saw on the horizon
it would serve no one for me to pass out on the front line.
besides. deep down. beneath the booze and bollux
i knew i was to lead the second wave.
those i left behind were to lead the first.
(07/27/2003; 02:28am) - what a night
on the shorter ride home
sandwiched between doubt
i know fear.
of the present
of the past
of what is yet to come.
and knowing it is a weight
i will force myself to embrace,
though now not my own
i run away.
(07/23/2003; 12:16am) - letting go of (their) dreams...again
walking. with her arm around mine.
i could look left to see the vessel of the fulfillment i could not give myself
or
i could look right to see the source of the answers to the questions i was to weak to find on my own
with my eyes off the path::my path::looking deep into her eyes::either left or right::i stumble. to find myself on a road not of my design. holding vapors. from a reality. that is not my own.
alone. missing the company of shadows. i shrug. and resume my pace.
(07/16/2003; 01:30am) - broken with 4 weeks left to go
and i ask myself
"when was the last time you were fulfilled?"
"when a moment was all that was needed::that existed::and the 3 letter question of why? was a shadow. of a species. extinct long ago"
i::I is too hard::go through the archives and find it was 2 months and a day
it seems so long ago.
(07/10/2003; 04:49pm) - so it seems
i'm bad at people.
i wonder if there is anyway i can reset my flash ROM in an attempt to change my social orientation to dingos.
or perhaps cantaloupes.
(06/30/2003; 12:57am) - sometimes it just happens that way
earlier this evening my room smelled of dirty laundry and meat.
that was weird.
(06/14/2003; 06:35pm) - pondering the cliff on the long way home
sitting in the place
where exhaustion is a state of mind rather than a state of body
and the universe has schemed to triple the number of trains to take me home
I have nothing but questions
but sitting here
tired
wet
alone
and jealous
i cant help but ask why I don?t get off
there are no bonus points for the trailblazers
no extra honor for the sentinel, ever present
just the bed. empty.
and as i look at my day
and as i compare it to the day of others
i can?t help but ask myself.
is it worth it.
(06/12/2003; 08:15pm) - why
admittedly
i am confused of the allure of???.this
for me the words in front of you form a journal
often only a single line in essence
expanded.
to create a moment. frozen.
but a single line nonetheless.
engorged by my deluded belief of its importance
(06/08/2003; 10:04pm) - on reading: Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle
if i were truly a poet i could say "fuck you aristotle" both with beauty and sublimely
but as i am not "fuck you aristotle" will have to suffice