A Dizzy In The Lizzy

Chapters begin and end but the book of you is an epic poem

( 08/ 21/ 2; 02; 11) - Chapters begin and end but the book of you is an epic poem

Last night was sort of Zen-like for me in that I came to some realization/revelations about myself and my life.

A coworker lent me "A Beautiful Mind" on DVD and I watched it last night after work.
The plot itself is inconsequential. I enjoyed the flick, although I wasn't blown away. I was nonplussed at the fact that it took place at Princeton U. from which my ex just graduated. See, PTon holds many, many memories. So many happy(and terrible) times in my life have taken place there with this girl that it's really impossible to separate the goings-on of the movie from my own memories of my time there. (When you date someone who goes to another school, that place becomes a part of you, like a second home, whether you like it or not.) Each time John Nash "enters campus" in the movie, he walks up some stairs under an arch, Blair Arch to be exact, under which I myself walked on dozens of occasions, hand-in-hand with my honey. It was also the approximate location of a very painful conversation during our breakup as we walked to her dorm from lunch at some restaurant. And I swear I saw the steps of her dorm for about 5 seconds during one scene.

So while I thought about all of this I realized that that chapter of my life, the one that involved Princeton & my ex, is over. I am beginning a new chapter now, and as is usually the case, each chapter builds upon the previous chapters to form a complete story. I am not mad at Katie anymore. I loved her very dearly and truly with all of my heart, and while my love for her has changed a lot from what it used to be, I still love her as a person, and I will for the rest of my life. I only want the best for her. I hope she lives long and well and I hope one day I get to see her name in lights on Broadway, as she has always dreamed. And I hope that at some point we can put the past behind us and maintain some sort of friendship.

But the future is bright for me either way. I've found that when you let new people into your life and your mind gradually and with patience, and you maintain a certain level of honesty and integrity, then only good things can happen. As Steph and I learn more about eachother, all the little discoveries feel like Christmas. I don't want to jump the gun with her or with any relationship but she seems like the kind of girl I could really get into. A couple months ago I was still nursing my wounds. I was not emotionally available to anyone. But as I heal my capacity for compassion and caring has gone up. I didn't mean to get into a relationship just now, but it seems that one is blossoming, although I don't really feel as if I'm putting too much effort into it just yet. More to come...