-ancient chinese curse
(04/28/2003; 03:45am) - fairy tale as allegory
humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
and all the klings horses and all the kings men
could not put humpty dumpty back together again
they all quietly left and turned off the light
and left humpty dumpty alone in the night
piece by piece humpty rebuilt his body
and afterward the source of his descent seemed murky and cloudy
he definitely remembered it ending with a thump
then he realized, panicked and trembling with anxiety he jumped
at some point he climbed back up
[more to come]
(04/18/2003; 02:36am) - my first cedar
last night (makes 2 nights ago) i went to my first cedar. i do not look good in a yamaka (or however ones spells it). for some reason the jewish people have not made one that accomadates dreadlocks.
i do not klnow why
(04/12/2003; 02:06am) - 5, 7, 5 the thorn in my side
i tried to post across the fora last night drunk off my ass. you know when a single person is the most poster to every forum section AND each post is relevant to the topic at hand (yes that was for you ethan). well it was going just fine until 5, 7, 5. my drunku skills failed me. so i crawled back to the couch and resumed drinking myself into oblivion
(03/15/2003; 03:23am) -
in my month long quest for old NES screenshots for my postcard piece this month, i have come across an old game named S.C.A.T.
i shit you not. but it is really wierd
(03/02/2003; 03:59pm) - adding to the "to do" list
gotta stop making this booty thing an annual sj spring break thing
(03/02/2003; 03:25am) -
god-damn-IT!!!! fucking freshman. sophmores are fair game but goddamn the freshmen. EVERYTHING is complicated
......my tongue tastes like body lotion
(02/12/2003; 11:10pm) - just one of those days
i woke up around 10am this mornning, slightly before my alarm was to wake me. i turned over to look at the clock, thought about getting out of bed to go to school but instead rolled back over and went back to sleep.
and for a brief time all was good
(02/11/2003; 12:01am) - a step forward in some direction
a movie told me tonight that "a man without fear is a man without hope."
that said i will strive to fear nothing. fear implies emotion, and i want none of either
(02/10/2003; 01:26am) - a quiet sunday to end a quiet weekend
woke up and did laundry. then i tracked down the textbook for my c++ course and studied from it (test on thurs) instead of buying. i actually sandwiched the studying with reading comics. as in i did before it and after studying oop. i also tried to buy a calendar but staples was out of the monthlys, the kind i use to stay on top of my shit.
god my life is boring.
gotta find the nooky. or at least go back to heavy drinking.
(01/23/2003; 12:02am) - the trap of a nightowl in a soceity of day crazies
why do i only have the creative and mental power to take over the world after midnight.
(01/23/2003; 01:00pm) - sad but true
a week ago at this time i would still be asleep
(01/13/2003; 03:30am) - day two: life w/o a box
let me just take this time to say that coding the main page is a bitch, parsing the data is frigging nightmare. anyway my computer is disconnected and upside down. and in fact everytime i walk into my room and i see it upside down, i ask myself why is it like that. and then i think oh yeah. its dead
(01/02/2003; 03:25am) - international hangover day = jan 1st, the unsung hero of holidays
spent my international hangover day on the couch watching movies. when they were all done i looked up and it was 2am. i fucked around for bit, but finally realized i was tired. i keep forgetting what day it is, which has always been my fav part of vacation. at some point i have to fix my sleeping schedule but luckily no time soon
(12/05/2002; 08:01am) - Stage Directions
prepares for the day while watching a cat prepare for its own departure. realises that when he returns, the cat shall be gone. elongates preperations for the day and the packing of his own backpack as a way of holding onto the moment. trying to delay the ineveitable goodbye
Background Music: Dirty Vegas - Ghosts
(11/20/2002; 01:52am) - so cool
Reason #37 why blenders rule:
milkshakes. so easy. so cool
(11/17/2002; 05:11am) - sweet jesus
it was nasty all day. and when the sun set the nastiness increased 10 fold with sharp winds, and a freezing rain. by the time i started my return trek home after my city adventures the night was horrid and unrelentless. i thought the underground station might be strikingly better, but it was only slightly. i changed stations (took a train uptown that would not take me home) seeking solace in the form of a warmer station, but i never found sanctuary only more cold. when i finally reached my destination station, the closest point to home the mta would take me, in dire need of facilites i got off the train and went immediately to a bathroom inside the ditmars blvd station. inside it i found a man drinking a cup of coffee. he told me the toilet was all mine. relieved, i used it and on the way out gave him a dollar after hearing his obvious story of homelessness. as i left he said god bless you. i wanted to say "save your grace and hope for yourself", but i knew he would not take my comments as intended; so i just said thanks and left.
as i crawl into my warm bed i know he is keeping warm beside a urinal.
(10/27/2002; 02:39am) - a rehashing of events
first off let me say that daylight savings has truly fucked up the digital tv guide. some of the 2:30am shows are on and some of the 3:30 am shows are on. whats midnight mass media junkie to do
that aside, upon re-evaluation of the events that transpired last night it seems that snash and co were not trying to kill me as previously stated. actually i was being an idiot, and not just the usual drink everything in sight kind, for you see i skipped dinner. scrath that i mean i drank through dinner. yesterday i only had one meal (and not that big one at that, just eggs and a waffle). this explains my inability to think, move, and not feel like crap. this came back to me while i was dining with benny tonight. my vocabulary jumped from 2 words (huh & what) to whatever it usually is in the course of the meal.
( 10/ 21/ 2; 02; 05) - 5 minutes later
i can not believe i actually blogged that (note: see prev post)
( 10/ 16/ 2; 02; 02) - the kind of day it is
there is no fun.
there is no joy.
there is no relaxing.
there are no good times.
there is a scary midterm, and it is tommorow
(center"> <; r />) - in the kali yuga
The masses have their heads on backwards. If you want to get things right, first look at how they think and behave, and consider going the opposite way.
-Lama Drom Tonpa, 11th century
( 09/ 25/ 2; 02; 01) - you goto school/work, then you die
So is this it? Shit.
What a mess things seem to be in. Honestly it’s less that my life is a mess and more that I have not brought order to it yet. The weird part is how many things order needs to be brought to. Strange that this time last year I was bored out of my skull, to the point that I created this three legged mule that sometimes passes for a site. I drooled over any thing that might pass as a hobby or a point of interest, and now….Now! Now I have there’s just so much. For the first in what seems like a very, very long time St John’s is now presenting itself as a challenge. Ummm…. no. Strike that, let’s just say that it’s a bit more of a nuisance than before, requiring more effort than I thought St John’s would pose. Is it really that much more work, or that much more work… the answer is a resounding no, but I’m still shocked that SJ even registered on my concentration meter.
There’s also karate, and since my return last week what I once craved I know cringe before. Before I go to karate I get nervous. Do I know why? No! But honestly whenever and wherever nerves were concerned I’ve always been a pussy. Who was nervous before returning to visit VC? Yeah that pussy was I.
What else oh yeah I’m also trying to stay on top of what has been dubbed by some (alright only Jason) as my most insane plan ever, that’s right buying real-estate. Yeah in 3 years time I plan to own a 3-4 family apartment complex in Astoria. Thus I need to learn about mortgages and interest rates and all that other fun stuff. All I can say about this is that I never really back down from my insane ideas, especially once they’ve gotten the green light. And this one has been green-lit by my dad a real-estate expert.
And spinning! Boy do I suck at spinning. I suck to the point of frustration. I am just not musically inclined as the maternal side of my family can attest to. My dad can also attest to as I quit both guitar and piano at an early age. But the problem is I wanna do it so bad. So very very bad, so I just stick with it and stink on ice as I will probably do for the foreseeable future. So how is it coming you ask. Slowly. Very vey slowly.
Oh yeah web work. I stumbled upon two. The first is an excnage of services where by the chick doing my hiar will do it for free if I do a site for her. While the other is a catholic middle school desperately in need of web help.
If my life were a pendulum that swings back and forth from contentment to pissy I must say that I’m fully in the pissy section. I wish I was drinking now. Believe it or not I threw this thing together ass sober. Too bad I’m tired as hell which is probably why it makes no sense. Whatever I know what I mean, so screw you I guess
( 09/11/ 20; 2; 12:) - from up on high, came the word
god: yo, bobert!
me: ummm... sup god.
me: uh.. come again god
god: candy. land.
me: the boardgame god?
me: huh. what about it?
god: you need it.
me: i do?
me: ya, sure?
god: what you questioning me bitch. me the incarnate of all being.
me: whatevs god. i mean if you say so.
god: i do!!
and thus was the story of how i bought candyland at cvs for ten bucks after this eveneing.
( 08/19/ 20; 2; 12:) - i should be in bed
a label?! *snort* *choking laughter* uh huh. right! suuurreee.
(; ) - way old
Sunday June 2, 2002 1:45am
One does not get too many weeks like this past one, and for good reason. One either gets an emotional breakdown or dies of alchohol poisoning. Ug tis a week in review:
Sunday Bloody Sunday:
woke up drunk. Was greeted by the morning with a "Bobert get up!", from a friend I was crashing with. Together we went (he walked I sortof staggered) to the graduation of some cool kids i know. I spent the majority of the ceremony in pain trying to downgrade my kinda drunk to an extreme hangover. That failed. However i did consciously avoid the champagne after the formal affair was over. That is I avoided champagne until Jason and Amanda called me a pussy, whereupon I slammed a glass of champagne (*my* glass of champagne, incidentally) tipping me back over into the (kinda no longer) drunk arena. And that's when I met all the parents. Nothing like a drunk Bobert in regards to first impressions.
I left Poughkeepsie in pain, passed out in the car ride down, and did not regain sobreity 'til 10pm.
The house threw a bbq for Memorial Day and all was going well 'til we learned that a close friend was really really sick; and not in the alcohol poisoing way that Benny is always whining about. The party went on but spirits were definetly dampered.
Work sucked. Not that the first day back after the weekend does not always suck, or that work does not suck in general; but because of the aforementioned reason (really sick friend) I was in a daze. Maybe it's just me, but coding errors always pale when compared to one's mortality or that of one's loved ones. Eh, It probably is just me. That aside, never let it be said that we meLoungers never stick together. The NYC contingent visited said sick friend, and though performed no miracles hopefully put some hearts at ease.
Sometimes one must evaluate one's priorities and at this point work was not one of them. Fuck it I said. I co-babysat the 10yr old brother of the friend, and let me tell you what a chore that was not. As 10yr olds go he is perhaps the coolest I have met thus far. He's belligerant, in love with both video games and wanton destruction, and angry (well mainly just full of spunk. a lot of throwing of ninja stars went back and forth. mainly him with the ninja stars and myself with the bodyslams.) To say that we got along fabulously is truly an understatement. The friend's parents had scored tickets to the musical The Lion King. An absolutely amazing performace that was stunning both visually and in its conception and that bored the pants of the 10yr old. He reminded me that 10yr olds need to be forcibly dragged away from TV and video games, cause they will never leave voluntarily. It's not as if one can say "Hey 10yr old wanna do this fresh and exciting thing," cause the answer will always be NO! More often than not one must turn off the TV/Video Game console, wrestle their shoes on, and drag them kicking and screaming (and sometimes biting and head butting) out of their happy little rut. Why is that you ask, because it builds character and makes them more of a wordly person. If you pass along the last sentence to either of my parents or anyone else I spent significant time with in my childhood, I will have you shot.
God Thursday sucked. There are few days that make me annoyed with the fact of my existence but Thursday was one. Woke up exhasusted having gotten no sleep since the news of Monday, and pretty much stressed as fuck. I was then greeted with stupid house issues in the morning, more brought on by tension all around than for any real reason. I was distracted with work and realized that i had to revamp a significant part of one of my projects. When i left work i really only yearned for tranquility, a miniminal of confrontaion, and a bit of solitude. One of out of three ain't bad but its still a pain in my ass. I went to library to get some DVDs found some great ones but was told that my library card was not working, and that I would have to go to the main desk to resolve the issue, but in the meantime i could not get my DVD's seeing as how the department was closing. Frustrated but not undaunted i went upstairs to pick out some cool books and graphic novels, however at checkout i was told that my card was cancelled. Being the sole user of my card i was told that this was not possible and a mistake must have been made. I was then told that it didn't matter, i was fucked, to leave my books there, come back at some point and get to pay 2 dollars and re-fill out an application because of a computer error, and to have a nice day. Oh wait, they never told me to have a nice day. I came home to find my apt lovingly abandoned, and on the couch did my best to find my sanity.
Went back to karate. I hadn't been back since my membership expired and I had not renewed because of said chaos and being sick before that. Was looking out for someone but I didn't see her there. But it worked out because I got to work with my friend Michael Littner the Black Belt. Yes, that is his full name. Wait, his full name is Michael "The Jew" Littner The Black Belt. Well, after class, me and my pal, the bad ass from zion, wandered around the city until we ran across another friend of ours, Adam. Coincidentally, the same guy who awakened me ever so gently at the beginning of this rant. Well we wandered some more, got food, were abandoned by the jew, wandered some more, yada yada. Eventually the wandering led us to a record shop where we met up with another friend. To make a long story short, I bought my first 2 records in my attempt to learn how to spin, and came back home watched the NBA playoffs (good) with friends (really good), 40s (good and bad), and 99cents czech beer (nothing but bad).
Days started with the classic 2 entree breakfast are hard to fuck up. Co-babysat with the friend for the 10yr old. Good times all around. I was reminded why I never see the NYC sights or sights anywhere else for that matter: tourist and lines. If I wanted to spend my day in lines i'd renew my Driver's License (something I've been putting off for too long. should happen this coming Friday. expect an angry post). In then end, we got to the top of the Empire State Building (now the highest point in NYC. damn terrorists), had some sushi (the kid amazed me again by ordering a roll not seen on the menu but known well by the waiter) and coffee and dessert at French Roast a favortite spot of mine. I would have finished the kid's Strawberry Shortcake (another fav of mine) but he found it neccesaey to eject mucus into his dessert while laughing. They can't all be winners.
(; ) -
Wednesday Feb. 27th 2002
God today sucked! I woke up with a fever and spent the entire day trying not to die. I don't know why my body hates me, but goddamn it does. Despite the internal revolution I was still able to update meLounge. We call that dedication... or something.
I was planning on going out to Big Apple Breaks tonight, a cool lounge featuring (drum roll please) breaks. I have yet to fully explore the genre but I do like it. Anyway, as with most cool lounges it's fun and really chill. I went to its opening last week and it was a lot of fun. I hung out with the residents DJ's, one being the talented Miss Bliss, and had a blast. I'd say that I plan to go next week but I have to go to Jersey to visit family, alas.
Also while i'm here let me just say I'M NOT GAY. Damn it. Also, all people over 30 (or who just don't get my humor) be damned. Both parents saw the site, both saw this section in particular, and both thought I was gay. Actually that's not true. My dad thought I was gay, my mom just thought I was unsure of my sexuality. I had to explain to both that I'm not gay and that me writing that I caught gay in one of the posts below was, JUST A JOKE. Damn it. Not gay. I do like Chelsea though, and the Big Cup does have good coffee.......
Sunday Feb. 24th 2002
Note to self: Body lotion does not taste good.
Sunday Jan. 13th 2002, 4:29am
I sit here behind the closed door of my bedroom, alone. It's 4:29am. This is the easiet and harderst place to be alone. Easy because there are no reminders of what I don't have, and hard because the solitude is all only reminder I need. But at least the solitude has an aspect of peace, something that the couples around me rarely seem to offer.
There is no person for me to share my luxieries and my burdens. No lap for me to find safety in, no shoulder for me to unload on. I am alone. But lucklily I have a found a reprive; Zero 7, A band I discorved about an hour ago. Not that the music makes me feel alone, but it does allow me to take a deep breath, and recollect. Something the universe does not allow me enought of.
On a totally different topic what the fuck am I doing. I'm 22, still in school, no beloved to speak of, no job, and with $2.72 to my name. Granted it is a good life but I swear to god it is a messy one. more on this to come.
Saturday Nov. 23rd, 5:44pm
Ah.... Racism. Blessed, patriatotic racism. It truly is the American way. More American than apple pie in fact. If you don't belive me just ask Thomas Jefferson or George Washington. Well to the story.
This morning my father, my uncle, and myself went to Cracker Barrel (which
shall henceforth be called Barrel o' Crackas) for breakfast. We wait in
line to be served, and get to the head of the line. Once thre the host
asks us how many our party is, we tell him and prepare to follow. That
is until he then looks behind us and spots a party of white folks not
only behind us but not in line at all, and seats them. That Barrel of
Cracka's would have had a set of irate negros if we were not seated 15seconds
after the honkies. In the end it all turned out ok but one has to understand
there principalities involved.
Monday Nov. 19th, 3:46pm
This morning I received a photo of my deceased paternal grandparents standing with my dad. Two ghost standing with a 3 year old that was to become my father. The grandfather I never knew and the grandmother I knew all too well. I knew her. She was a mystery. I loved her. She angered and frustrated me more than anyone I've ever known. I watched her die of cancer. And now she's young, beautiful (well not that bad at least), full of the pride that still haunts me to this day. And there beside her is her husband, my grandfather. Standing, with his top button unbuttoned. Standing at ease with himself and around him, just as I always knew he would, though I've never really seen him before in my entire life.
Sunday/Monday Nov. 11th, 1:20am
I saw someone today who was once a dear friend. I think I said good-bye. I had already left her some time ago.
Saturday Nov. 10th
i love lesbians.
Thursday Nov. 8th, 9:41pm
When I went to work this morning I was greeted with the following letter.
So of course I had 2 questions. 1: Who the hell was Julia A. Upton, and 2: what the hell was a provost. As it turns out she is the provost, which means she is some sort of big wig at St. Johns. I led a team to produce a project that impressed her.
Aside from that there was nothing to special of the day besides the fact
I skipped half my classes. It's not as bad as it sounds but its also not
as ok as I think it is. It's a good I don't give a damn
Wednesday Nov. 7th, 11:41pm
So tonight I caught gay. It's the biggest pain in my ass ever (I mean that figuratively... for now). Today is Jean's (Andrew's mom) birthday, so he and I attended a dinner with her and some of here friends. The restaurant had a stage and one of Jean's friends performed a cabaret act. I enjoyed it immensely. It seems I like cabaret. My only theory to explain this is that I am now a homosexual.
Monday Nov. 5th, 11:02pm
So I just went on my first date.... EVER... I think. Honestly I really don't know. I have no idea what it was or what I was doing but I'm pretty sure it was a date... I think. I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "Of course it was a date. A single male and female went out together to have a good time together. That's what a date is. That's what people do." So I guess you're right it was a date, it's just that it was very, very, anticlimactic. Not that it was disappointing or that I thought a date was a magical thing involving marshmallow clouds and gumdrop trees, it just didn't live up to 22 years of hype. Much like the virginity fiasco, when it was all over I was left saying "What! That's it!?" But again much like the virginity fiasco, with the newfound experience I'm sure it'll be much better the second time around, and with a little experience under my belt.
So yeah the date. It was fine. It was fun. She's smart. She's cute, but she's a giant hippy (in the same way I'm a giant computer dork). She and I are totally different with dissimilar perspectives on life, the world and ourselves. The first 2/3 of the date seemed awkward because the standard life affirming statements were greeted with silence by the other. There's not much I can say to her dream of spending her life hiking around the world gathering various flora samples. And the response I got to my new mantra (read my intro page if you have no idea what I'm referring to) was "I hate New York."
I should now say "But in the end it'll be all right," but I
really don't know. Hippy & a city kid, sure it worked out for Eva
Gabor in Green Acres; but as I learned not too long ago. Life is neither
a movie or a sitcom, and every episode is not guaranteed a happy ending.
(; ) - .begin
Sunday/Monday Nov. 5th, 1:28am
The site is done. Well not really. But the setup is. I've secured the domain name (melounge.net) and server space. The site goes live in less than 18 hours leaving me nothing to do but wait and write. I'm rather proud of this endeavor since the gestation period of the idea was all of a week. Once I came up with a solid idea it took all of 3 days for everything to come together.
Now I sit rat-a-tat tapping eating a bowl of cereal while I cruise the web. I'd go to bed but as always around this time, I'm struck by the brilliance of the night. By now the crappy people are in bed, the background noise of the day has left with the hustle and bustle of the streets, leaving only a feeling of peace and stillness that by nature often eludes me. When one's natural state is overdrive and concentration is required to create a coherent message out of the thousands of random thoughts going through my head; one learns to treasure these pockets of sanity.
And so I sit in one, and become tired. Part of it is the continuos hunger. Part of it is the realization that I will have to trade my peace of the night for another hectic day. While another part of it is the warm feeling of a job well done. But I think some more and realize it's mostly the future. I sit here wondering what the hell am I doing. I sit here wondering whether meLounge is destined to fail like Simple Simon Studios, or the other hair brained schemes I am certain to have in the future. But I realize that it's only costing me $3.95 a month, so what the fuck!
This now leads me to then contemplate the state of the rest of my life and begs the question, "What the hell am I doing with my life." Is this is it? Is this the way its gonna be for the next 80 years of my existence? Poor? Alone? Too lazy to make food? But then I remember what I said in the byline of this page, and I remember that even if the answer is yes, then that's still damn good.
I guess it's just the usual mixture of angst, happiness, and dissatisfaction
that I'm sure grip most early twenty-somethings and late teens. But despite
that understanding, it's slightly disconcerting nonetheless.