-ancient chinese curse
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Wednesday Feb. 27th 2002
God today sucked! I woke up with a fever and spent the entire day trying not to die. I don't know why my body hates me, but goddamn it does. Despite the internal revolution I was still able to update meLounge. We call that dedication... or something.
I was planning on going out to Big Apple Breaks tonight, a cool lounge featuring (drum roll please) breaks. I have yet to fully explore the genre but I do like it. Anyway, as with most cool lounges it's fun and really chill. I went to its opening last week and it was a lot of fun. I hung out with the residents DJ's, one being the talented Miss Bliss, and had a blast. I'd say that I plan to go next week but I have to go to Jersey to visit family, alas.
Also while i'm here let me just say I'M NOT GAY. Damn it. Also, all people over 30 (or who just don't get my humor) be damned. Both parents saw the site, both saw this section in particular, and both thought I was gay. Actually that's not true. My dad thought I was gay, my mom just thought I was unsure of my sexuality. I had to explain to both that I'm not gay and that me writing that I caught gay in one of the posts below was, JUST A JOKE. Damn it. Not gay. I do like Chelsea though, and the Big Cup does have good coffee.......
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Sunday Feb. 24th 2002
Note to self: Body lotion does not taste good.
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Sunday Jan. 13th 2002, 4:29am
I sit here behind the closed door of my bedroom, alone. It's 4:29am. This
is the easiet and harderst place to be alone. Easy because there are no
reminders of what I don't have, and hard because the solitude is all only
reminder I need. But at least the solitude has an aspect of peace, something
that the couples around me rarely seem to offer.
There is no person for me to share my luxieries and my burdens. No lap
for me to find safety in, no shoulder for me to unload on. I am alone.
But lucklily I have a found a reprive; Zero 7, A band I discorved about
an hour ago. Not that the music makes me feel alone, but it does allow
me to take a deep breath, and recollect. Something the universe does not
allow me enought of.
On a totally different topic what the fuck am I doing. I'm 22, still in
school, no beloved to speak of, no job, and with $2.72 to my name. Granted
it is a good life but I swear to god it is a messy one. more on this to
come.
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Saturday Nov. 23rd, 5:44pm
Ah.... Racism. Blessed, patriatotic racism. It truly is the American way.
More American than apple pie in fact. If you don't belive me just ask
Thomas Jefferson or George Washington. Well to the story.
This morning my father, my uncle, and myself went to Cracker Barrel (which
shall henceforth be called Barrel o' Crackas) for breakfast. We wait in
line to be served, and get to the head of the line. Once thre the host
asks us how many our party is, we tell him and prepare to follow. That
is until he then looks behind us and spots a party of white folks not
only behind us but not in line at all, and seats them. That Barrel of
Cracka's would have had a set of irate negros if we were not seated 15seconds
after the honkies. In the end it all turned out ok but one has to understand
there principalities involved.
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Monday Nov. 19th, 3:46pm
This morning I received a photo of my deceased
paternal grandparents standing with my dad. Two ghost standing with a
3 year old that was to become my father. The grandfather I never knew
and the grandmother I knew all too well. I knew her. She was a mystery.
I loved her. She angered and frustrated me more than anyone I've ever
known. I watched her die of cancer. And now she's young, beautiful (well
not that bad at least), full of the pride that still haunts me to this
day. And there beside her is her husband, my grandfather. Standing, with
his top button unbuttoned. Standing at ease with himself and around him,
just as I always knew he would, though I've never really seen him before
in my entire life.
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Sunday/Monday Nov. 11th, 1:20am
I saw someone today who was once a dear friend. I think I said good-bye.
I had already left her some time ago.
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Saturday Nov. 10th
i love lesbians.
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Thursday Nov. 8th, 9:41pm
When I went to work this morning I was greeted with the following letter.
So of course I had 2 questions. 1: Who the hell was Julia A. Upton, and
2: what the hell was a provost. As it turns out she is the provost, which
means she is some sort of big wig at St. Johns. I led a team to produce
a project that impressed her.
Aside from that there was nothing to special of the day besides the fact
I skipped half my classes. It's not as bad as it sounds but its also not
as ok as I think it is. It's a good I don't give a damn
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Wednesday Nov. 7th, 11:41pm
So tonight I caught gay. It's the biggest pain in my ass ever (I mean
that figuratively... for now). Today is Jean's (Andrew's mom) birthday,
so he and I attended a dinner with her and some of here friends. The restaurant
had a stage and one of Jean's friends performed a cabaret act. I enjoyed
it immensely. It seems I like cabaret. My only theory to explain this
is that I am now a homosexual.
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Monday Nov. 5th, 11:02pm
So I just went on my first date.... EVER... I think. Honestly I really
don't know. I have no idea what it was or what I was doing but I'm pretty
sure it was a date... I think. I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "Of
course it was a date. A single male and female went out together to have
a good time together. That's what a date is. That's what people do."
So I guess you're right it was a date, it's just that it was very, very,
anticlimactic. Not that it was disappointing or that I thought a date
was a magical thing involving marshmallow clouds and gumdrop trees, it
just didn't live up to 22 years of hype. Much like the virginity fiasco,
when it was all over I was left saying "What! That's it!?" But
again much like the virginity fiasco, with the newfound experience I'm
sure it'll be much better the second time around, and with a little experience
under my belt.
So yeah the date. It was fine. It was fun. She's smart. She's cute, but she's a giant hippy (in the same way I'm a giant computer dork). She and I are totally different with dissimilar perspectives on life, the world and ourselves. The first 2/3 of the date seemed awkward because the standard life affirming statements were greeted with silence by the other. There's not much I can say to her dream of spending her life hiking around the world gathering various flora samples. And the response I got to my new mantra (read my intro page if you have no idea what I'm referring to) was "I hate New York."
I should now say "But in the end it'll be all right," but I
really don't know. Hippy & a city kid, sure it worked out for Eva
Gabor in Green Acres; but as I learned not too long ago. Life is neither
a movie or a sitcom, and every episode is not guaranteed a happy ending.
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