Not of your design

i don't think like you
so why should i write like you
my thoughts
my world

(05/29/2003; 04:31am) - gary snyder stole my title

i write in the moments of twilight.
in the place where tinkerbell will always love peter pan.
the time between asleep and awake where i feel that i can fly and know that i will live forever

where a second explodes into a lifetime and thoughts dash by me at warp speeds as i see the outside world creep by me, frozen, as i move and think at speeds too fast for others to percieve::except for those special few. where is she?::

but the problem is

but the problem is the moments flow through my fingers::that's what make them special::
they wash over me
they wash me
a fool straining the mississippi
me straining to hold onto the twinkle of starlight in the fluid deluge of life

i do find moments.
moments when i look up to find the world on pause.
but even then i always question
whether it is a moment of my own design or
whether in this moment, the world has truly stopped

sometimes i just write regardless
and i find stardust
or i find in my hand the sand of the glass of the mirror::that does not exist""
reflecting myself
illuminating nothing

sometimes i just kick the world back into motion::moving on rather, either out of boredom, exhaustion or fear::

anyway
that's where i write