Tales from Croatia
the secret origin of bobert:
Day 21
Oh my fucking god. You have no idea what these, silly, silly Eastern Europeans are up to over here. So I've been looking around for a smut shop, knowing that to some of you nothing says Eastern Europe like porn, (For that matter to a lot of you, namely Pete and Noah, nothing says Finland, London, Anthropology, a or rudimentary course in physics like porn). Today, actually half an hour ago from when I started this letter, the topic of a new smut shop came up. It seems that 2 doors down from my mom's office, a new store opened up called Sexy Land. Always thinking myself to be a pioneer of these sorts, I decided that it was my destiny to explore the uncharted expanse of Sexy Land. The trek (all of 2 minutes since it is next door) led me to a huge yellow sign, displaying the name. As I saw it I wondered how the fuck I had missed it for the past week. I entered (by walking past two large sheets of what appeared to be car floor mats. You know those rubbery things) and it became dark. When I walked in and started looking around, all I could see were these little closet like things with a bench in each one. At first I thought they were booths for a sex show but I quickly realize that, that the theory was impossible, for no couple or woman could fit in a booth with enough room for the viewer and a plexiglass sheet between the two parties. Besides its not very cost effective for there to be a show for each closet. Ignoring the enigma I continued onwards into a different section of Sexy Land, the pornographic video section. I browsed the selection to see such lovely topics as fisting, anal, watersports, gay, gay-anal, granny, granny-anal, granny-anal-watersports, other interesting topics, and the infinite combinations of those topics, but with the question of "what the fuck are those booths," always nagging me at the back of my mind. After realizing that there is nothing that those wacky Germans won't put on tape, I set out to explore the strange cubicles. Upon inspection I saw that each booth had a TV monitor, a door with a lock, a chair with speakers set in it, two buttons (an up and down button), an unlit led screen, and a close to empty napkin dispenser. At this last site I tried, and almost failed, in trying to control my laughter. I went out and noticed a diorama of the current sections.. On the 13 spot, I see "Animal Sex video." Missing those great Hector movies (these animal sex videos at www.animal98.com. They promised but never put up the video of a guy getting his ass pounded by a particularly large sow, it means pig), and believing that this was one thing I could not miss, I went in. I popped in 10 kuna. NOTE: THE CURRENT EXCHANGE VALUE HOVERS AROUND 7 KUNA TO THE DOLLAR. MEANING THAT THIS ENTIRE ENDEAVOR COST ME ABOUT A BUCK AND 43 CENTS. Unfortunately when the movie started a dog was busy licking a guy's dick. They soon shooed it away, and a dumpy chick started to give the guy a blowjob. I did not see the dog engage in any vigorous pumping action. I was sad. I glanced to my left, and the led was active displaying the current channel, and the remaining time. The show cost a kuna per minute so I browsed the other channels with my remaining 9:38 minutes. When I later recounted my adventure I was told that the shops are like that because there is no personal space over here. For example when people get married they move in with the family of the husband. Dwindling both the chances of one having their own room, and the amount of alone time per bathroom.
Also a monkey told me that some of you were concerned about how my parents are reacting to my lack of an educational institution status. Well if so you should put away all fears because I never told you that in failing out of school I am merely fulfilling a jenkins male family tradition, for you see both my father and my uncle (his brother) both had to attend 2 schools too. So you see being a fuck-up is in the genes in my family. so though he's a little down, you can see why he really can't be that mad. when i asked him about it later, he said that the first school was not as politically active as he would have liked. You must understand that my dad is full of shit,and forgets his own past. I'm told that he drank as much if not more than us.
-Bobert
New Poll: If Can find a place to transfer Pal Video to VHS What kind of porn should I bring back?
Also a monkey told me that some of you were concerned about how my parents are reacting to my lack of an educational institution status. Well if so you should put away all fears because I never told you that in failing out of school I am merely fulfilling a jenkins male family tradition, for you see both my father and my uncle (his brother) both had to attend 2 schools too. So you see being a fuck-up is in the genes in my family. so though he's a little down, you can see why he really can't be that mad. when i asked him about it later, he said that the first school was not as politically active as he would have liked. You must understand that my dad is full of shit,and forgets his own past. I'm told that he drank as much if not more than us.
-Bobert
New Poll: If Can find a place to transfer Pal Video to VHS What kind of porn should I bring back?