A Dizzy In The Lizzy

Last nite I ate at Sassy's Sliders for the 1st and last time

(01/10/2003; 10:21am) - Last nite I ate at Sassy's Sliders for the 1st and last time

My GF recieved free passes to a screening last night of "The Guru." So we went, obviously.
She was surprised at how short the line was outside the theater for the screening, as she's been to many advance screenings and the lines were usually around the block.
There is a reason for everything.
I suppose the reason for the short line was the same reason they didn't check our tickets as we went in.
Do not pay money to see this movie.

Let me summarize:
Heather Graham plays a confused character, a Catholic bride-to-be who secretly moonlights as a porn star to pay the bills. Her husband is a big doofy Irish fireman. I think he played the young Biff in Back to the Future. I'm kidding, but you get the idea. At the end of the flick he discover he's playing "hide the salami" with his ladder operator.

Okay, it's like this:
This Indian dude comes to America to make it big. He has no chance, he was a dance instructor in India and is not attractive. He tries out for a part in a porn movie (see where this is going?) and gets it but can't perform. Heather Graham ends up tutoring him on his sexual hang-ups. [skipping uninteresting plot details] Marissa Tomei thinks this Indian guy is a sex guru cuz she's a freaky, neurotic Manhattan JAP and he banged her once. She starts blabbing to her friends and he ends up giving sex advice to all sorts of random people. For money. Needless to say, this is the same advice he's receiving from Heather Graham the day before.

Long story short: Indian gets hits the big-time as a sex guru (oh, yeah, his name is Rammi). In the climactic scene that makes me want to kill myself:
A)Heather Graham finds out Rammi's been selling her inner thoughts
B)Rammi realizes her loves her; vice versa
C)Marissa gets snubbed by Rammi (she loved him or something)
D)Heather Graham almost gets married
E)Rammi stops the wedding
F)Groom's gay lover shows up too

HAPPY EVER AFTER! I guess I didn't mention that the movie occasionally breaks out into frightening song, a la Grease. Except all the songs have this mish-mosh of Indian music and pop crap and it's terrible.
Worst part: only one pair of naked titties in the movie, and they're not Heather Graham's.

OK, so the movie wasn't great. It somehow managed to be formulaic and predictable as well as painfully mediocre.
But I had fun seeing it with my lady and then hanging with the crew on the UES.
Fun.
Hi ho, hi ho...
-B