A Dizzy In The Lizzy

You know you need to find a new dentist when...

(12/20/2002; 12:10am) - You know you need to find a new dentist when...

...the dental assistants are ghetto-fabulous.
...the girl doing your X-rays fucks up so that you get irradiated 5 times in one morning as opposed to 2.
...the girl cleaning your teeth drops stuff and bumbles around to an alarming extent.
...the entrance to the waiting room is through one dirty door that opens directly onto 2nd Ave in Harlem.
...the chair and dental equipment appear to be 2 or 3 decades old.
...the dentist is a full 20 minutes late to the office. ("Bad traffic!" Uh huh)
...the dentist argues with you, telling you that your two front teeth are real teeth, when in fact you distinctly remember both of them being knocked out while playing soccer in 4th grade, as well as the multiple trips to the oral surgeon to have caps put on.
...the dentist so adamantly insists that your two front teeth are real that he bets you $100 that they are your real teeth, and when you decline to take the bet, he raises the bet to $1000, and finally an astronomical $5000, at which point you decide to shut up about your dental history and just agree with the fucking idiot.

Um, yeah, so I visited my new dentist for the first (and probably last) time this morning. Thanks Managed DentalGuard for appointing this maniac as my primary care dentist, I will be changing dentists very soon.

The good news: I have excellent teeth. Even the two fake ones in front.