A Dizzy In The Lizzy

Middle of Week 2, No Spending Month

(11/20/2002; 01:46pm) - Middle of Week 2, No Spending Month

Let me see:
Last night I was forced to go food shopping, I had nothing to eat.
Bought 1lb ground sirloin, a grapefruit, a dozen eggs, 1 bag baby carrots. I'm so goddamned healthy. Plus I took out a $20. $27.
Rented Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, $4, at Mikey's suggestion. He said it was ridiculously hysterical. It's obvious to me that, like a Pavlovian dog, he must roll a joint during the previews of every movie he rents. But it was pretty funny sober...
Last night's total expenditures, $11. Not bad.
Today, bought a banana. $0.25.

Got a call from Dad, who asked me what I had arranged for Vail trip. Told Dad I was cancelling out due to lack of money. He sounded sorta disappointed in me, sorta like he expected me to be planning my finances wisely n stuff now that I have this incredible job... BONGyoooooooooooo!!! Heh.

He also dropped a bomb in that he told me that I "came a long in a relatively affluent time" for him and mom, and that to make up for not being able to do stuff with me and be there for me because of her decade-long battle with cancer, she wrote checks instead. FUCKING THANKS DAD
So in other words I shouldn't have gotten the "rich-boy/royalty" treatment that I did. I should have been raised more modestly. This pisses me off to no end for a lot of reasons. Dad has a lot of money. He was a lawyer for 40 years. What the fuck is waiting for? We're all speeding towards our respective deaths! Spend the fucking money! Lavish gifts on people! *&%$(*&@^&(#$)))) FUCK
Like Christ
arrgh
okay sorry

And don't fucking bring Mom into this, like it's her "fault" I was raised the way I was or something. Like cancer is the reason I am used to going on cool snowboarding trips each winter. Like mom would have negged on that shit if she was healthy and alive. Yeah fuckin right. We went on a family vacation for a week to Stowe, VT, THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY FUCKING YEAR, until mom got too sick to ski, and then to sick to go at all...

I refuse to accept that mom thought she could make me feel better by writing checks, she and I knew that all I wanted was for her to get better, I would trade all my money, all my education, all my posessions for her to be alive again goddamnit.

Maybe I just took that comment the wrong way, I dunno. I'll have to ask dad about that, but it sure is a fucking dick thing to say. It now makes me really uncomfortable to have this trust fund coming at me in 10 months, like do I save it to raise a family or do I spend some or what? Do I lavish the shit on myself that mom would have lavished on me if she were alive or do I sack it away and forget about it?

Agitated at work
B out