A Dizzy In The Lizzy

Sometimes I just can't believe how much things have changed.

(08/06/2002; 12:10p) - Sometimes I just can't believe how much things have changed.


Looking around (figuratively) and taking stock of my life, nothing is as I remember it.

There are paints and canvasses in my dad's house in CT now but they don't belong to me. There's a second car in the garage, a gold Camry. And a woman, a very nice, pretty woman, sleeping in my dad's bed. She's not my mom.

There are girls around here, I keep meeting them. They do this and that, they're into me or they're not, some I like more than others, some are beautiful, some I simply pass on the street...
A year ago at this time I would come home from work to a beautiful redhead, cook dinner with her, make love. It was heaven. But that's not my reality now.

So much changes so so fast. Life is fluid, everything changes, little by little, under your nose, so that on a day like today you realize that everything's pretty different than you thought it was. If many little things make up your reality, and all those little things are changing constantly, then the magnitude of change in your life is staggering. It's hard to grasp how much everything changes from year to year.

Two years ago I had no idea where I was going to go. Australia was fun and I wanted to go back, but I also had friends in Boston and Hartford. Then there was the group of friends in New York. So I ended up here. And now I work in real estate. And I play Ultimate twice a week. And I borrow my brother's car. And I spend too much money. And I live on the Upper East Side.

Tomorrow, who knows? Will I live in the Village, or the Lower East Side, or Battery Park City? New York at all? Will I lease a New Mini, orange with a white top and white hood stripes? Will I buy a motorcycle, a used Honda? Will I be be dating this girl? Another girl? Will I get a raise? Will my vacations start to include LA, the home of my dad's woman?
Will I quit all of this shit and move west with Nate, teach snowboarding in the winters and guide rafting trips in the summer?

Or will I still be plunked down here in front of this same computer in midtown a year, 5 years, ten years in the future?

Do I even have to think this hard about what's to come?

One of my coworkers Andrea just asked another coworker, Jorge, how he was doing today.

His answer?

"I'm alive, so I'm doing fine."

Yeah.

-B