Tales from Croatia
the secret origin of bobert:
Day 03
Yes I am an American
I might not be able to send these letters but I'm at least writing them daily. So I'm watching the German channel and there were like 10 minutes of porn telephone number commercials. Now they're showing replays of the Arkansas lumberjack championship. I personally preferred the porn commercials but I guess that's me. It's a good thing I didn't start doing my thing cause it would have gone from naked chicks to guys sawing wood and throwing axes at targets. And because those logs look kinda similar to um.. other things, that would really have ruined the mood. But I'm still watching this in the hopes of it either turning into porn, or them just showing more porn commercials. The strange thing about the series of commercials is that they only show about 7 different commercials each only lasting 30secs. But as I said before it goes on for like 8 minutes so you just keep seeing the same commercials over and over again but in different order. But hey, at least they have hot chicks, and the chicks are naked. I'm also glad that these lumberjack are not naked. It just dawned on me that I'm watching a German sports channel, so it probably will not turn into porn. Though I hope it may turn into naked chicks throwing darts, which I've been told is kinda big over here.
Well it turns out that we've all taken for granted me being black. For while it being a usual trait in the states its pretty rare over here, which I've found through subtle stares and quick glances. Even weirder than this is that once they've ascertained that I really am black (I understand several of you are still in disbelief, I know I am everytime I wake up. But of course then I cry) which I guess takes a second because the shock has to settle down. But after they realize this they look at my shoes. NOTE::THE PORN IS BACK!!! I mean what the fuck. I just got them but they only cost twenty bucks. I'm thinking of starting a program to give all of Eastern Europe these shoes with Federal and private sponsorship, I can have the woman who does those other commercials of kids in third world countries do one for me. But instead of they're contribution helping kids eat, she can talk about the pain they these kids have by not having cool shoes, like they once saw this black guy wear. Is it the stereotype of black males having great sneakers, that brings on this efactuation? I thought I was just nuts but I asked my mom if she saw them looking at my shoes, and she said yes I'm not crazy they really were looking at my tennis shoes. Even still, I'm confused. And you can mail any contributions for these uncool kids to my house.; Will somebody please think about the children..... even if they aren't wearing cool shoes.
Earlier on today (Friday) I was sitting down reading a book on the boardwalk, and a guy approaches with a look of glee on his face. He asks me where I'm from and I tell him the states, DC to be more specific. He then tells me how cool it is to be talking to me because its so rare to be talking to a black male, to which I reply cool, whatever. Then he asks me how l like Split (the town I'm in now) and I say I'm enjoying myself. He then asks me THE question. You know the one I knew he was going to ask, and the one I had planned to answer thousands upon thousand of times. "Do I like rap music?" I then said its ok, but I like techno more. He nods to himself, as if knowing what I'm thinking. I think great maybe I can dispel some misconceptions about black youth. Instead he says "yes, yes. I know that rap music is close to the black male's heart." It is at this point that I realize the power that only one man has, especially when rap music is so close to his African American heart. He then asks me what I'm doing over here, and I then respond the easy way that Andrew taught me. I'm here with my mom. She's working with embassy, she's similar to a diplomat. After this the conversation begins to close. Right before he excuses himself, he tells mehis name. Tony I shall never forget you. NOTE: A CAR JUST DROVE BY BLASTING TECHNOTRONIX. AND DON"T PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T KNOW THE EARLY 90's BAND. THEY HAD THE HIT GET UP AND MOVE YOUR BODY. COINCIDENTLY THAT IS THE SAME SONG THAT THE DRIVER IS BLASTING.
As I was walking back to my hotel, these 2 guys asked me if I spoke English. I told them yeah. They then asked me where I was from and I told them. They then asked what I'm doing over here and I gave them the diplomat answer. As proof why to give the diplomat answer, later that night my mom and I were walking through town and some people stopped us. They asked us how we were enjoying our stay here in Split. We said we were enjoying it tremendously. They then asked what we were doing here and she told them. It took 5 minutes to tell them her job and NOTE: PORN IS BACK! 10 minutes to then explain what she really did. Not wanting to spend an additional 15minutes with the Tony's of Croatian (though I love him like a brother) I just give the 10 second diplomat answer. For once it seems Andrew came in handy.
-Bobert the obvious American (I don't know why)
Shows I've seen in German:
Hogan's Hereos
The Nanny (her voice is a lot less annoying)
The Sentinel (the action show on UPN)
A Chuck Norris Infomercial
Shows I want to see:
PORN
MORE PORN
Sex on the Streets but dubbed in German
Scenes from the Oral Office dubbed in German
Heidi
Heidi takes it up the ass and loves it
I might not be able to send these letters but I'm at least writing them daily. So I'm watching the German channel and there were like 10 minutes of porn telephone number commercials. Now they're showing replays of the Arkansas lumberjack championship. I personally preferred the porn commercials but I guess that's me. It's a good thing I didn't start doing my thing cause it would have gone from naked chicks to guys sawing wood and throwing axes at targets. And because those logs look kinda similar to um.. other things, that would really have ruined the mood. But I'm still watching this in the hopes of it either turning into porn, or them just showing more porn commercials. The strange thing about the series of commercials is that they only show about 7 different commercials each only lasting 30secs. But as I said before it goes on for like 8 minutes so you just keep seeing the same commercials over and over again but in different order. But hey, at least they have hot chicks, and the chicks are naked. I'm also glad that these lumberjack are not naked. It just dawned on me that I'm watching a German sports channel, so it probably will not turn into porn. Though I hope it may turn into naked chicks throwing darts, which I've been told is kinda big over here.
Well it turns out that we've all taken for granted me being black. For while it being a usual trait in the states its pretty rare over here, which I've found through subtle stares and quick glances. Even weirder than this is that once they've ascertained that I really am black (I understand several of you are still in disbelief, I know I am everytime I wake up. But of course then I cry) which I guess takes a second because the shock has to settle down. But after they realize this they look at my shoes. NOTE::THE PORN IS BACK!!! I mean what the fuck. I just got them but they only cost twenty bucks. I'm thinking of starting a program to give all of Eastern Europe these shoes with Federal and private sponsorship, I can have the woman who does those other commercials of kids in third world countries do one for me. But instead of they're contribution helping kids eat, she can talk about the pain they these kids have by not having cool shoes, like they once saw this black guy wear. Is it the stereotype of black males having great sneakers, that brings on this efactuation? I thought I was just nuts but I asked my mom if she saw them looking at my shoes, and she said yes I'm not crazy they really were looking at my tennis shoes. Even still, I'm confused. And you can mail any contributions for these uncool kids to my house.; Will somebody please think about the children..... even if they aren't wearing cool shoes.
Earlier on today (Friday) I was sitting down reading a book on the boardwalk, and a guy approaches with a look of glee on his face. He asks me where I'm from and I tell him the states, DC to be more specific. He then tells me how cool it is to be talking to me because its so rare to be talking to a black male, to which I reply cool, whatever. Then he asks me how l like Split (the town I'm in now) and I say I'm enjoying myself. He then asks me THE question. You know the one I knew he was going to ask, and the one I had planned to answer thousands upon thousand of times. "Do I like rap music?" I then said its ok, but I like techno more. He nods to himself, as if knowing what I'm thinking. I think great maybe I can dispel some misconceptions about black youth. Instead he says "yes, yes. I know that rap music is close to the black male's heart." It is at this point that I realize the power that only one man has, especially when rap music is so close to his African American heart. He then asks me what I'm doing over here, and I then respond the easy way that Andrew taught me. I'm here with my mom. She's working with embassy, she's similar to a diplomat. After this the conversation begins to close. Right before he excuses himself, he tells mehis name. Tony I shall never forget you. NOTE: A CAR JUST DROVE BY BLASTING TECHNOTRONIX. AND DON"T PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T KNOW THE EARLY 90's BAND. THEY HAD THE HIT GET UP AND MOVE YOUR BODY. COINCIDENTLY THAT IS THE SAME SONG THAT THE DRIVER IS BLASTING.
As I was walking back to my hotel, these 2 guys asked me if I spoke English. I told them yeah. They then asked me where I was from and I told them. They then asked what I'm doing over here and I gave them the diplomat answer. As proof why to give the diplomat answer, later that night my mom and I were walking through town and some people stopped us. They asked us how we were enjoying our stay here in Split. We said we were enjoying it tremendously. They then asked what we were doing here and she told them. It took 5 minutes to tell them her job and NOTE: PORN IS BACK! 10 minutes to then explain what she really did. Not wanting to spend an additional 15minutes with the Tony's of Croatian (though I love him like a brother) I just give the 10 second diplomat answer. For once it seems Andrew came in handy.
-Bobert the obvious American (I don't know why)
Shows I've seen in German:
Hogan's Hereos
The Nanny (her voice is a lot less annoying)
The Sentinel (the action show on UPN)
A Chuck Norris Infomercial
Shows I want to see:
PORN
MORE PORN
Sex on the Streets but dubbed in German
Scenes from the Oral Office dubbed in German
Heidi
Heidi takes it up the ass and loves it